Chapter 3


Comfort may be the most precious gift we have to give each other.  Just as being comforted helps us develop healthy and resilient spirits, the lack of comfort in time of need, especially in childhood, weakens our ability to live well.  Once we learn to heal the part of us that never received the support we needed as a child, we can fill our lives with the simple and beautiful joys of being a comfort to each other.

Our greatest memories of comfort usually come from early in life.  Most of us remember moments of special tenderness—being held, read to, put to bed with a kiss and a hug.  We recall special cookies and treats, tears being wiped away, wounds healed.  Even more important were moments when our problems were understood, our faults forgiven, our efforts appreciated.  Likewise, some of our greatest hurts are times when such comfort and tenderness were absent.  Such care is a central part of growing up as a strong, confident, and loving adult and remains with us, both as a precious memory and as inner strength.

Yet no matter what our life experience, we can all be comforted.  We can take action to strengthen our ability to love and be loved in our adult lives.  Using a technique called creative visualization, you can call to mind a situation which was hurtful to you as a child and create a happy and satisfying ending in your mind.  Our consciousness will respond to such vision and will feel a partial healing of the hurt.  The more often the process is repeated, the greater the healing.

Many will find this implausible, questioning the ability of the mind to heal itself.  They doubt that feeling the pain involved in rethinking past hurts can do us any good.  Yet there are countless people who have learned to heal their hearts.  And once we make the effort to clear our consciousness of childhood hurts, experience will show us that the process of inner healing can greatly enrich our lives.

Visualize a situation from your childhood where comfort was needed but not given.  Recall the hurt of that moment…  Now imagine a parent, a loving adult or even a friend coming to your aid.  Allow yourself to feel how you would have felt had this happened…  Enjoy it, appreciate it, savor it…  You are loved, cared for and comforted because you deserve all the loving support you need…  You will feel a change in your deepest self.  In a small way, step by step, you are being healed.

It is not easy to deal with the hurts that remain in our hearts.  Yet our desire to enter into loving relationships and our satisfaction as we experience the healing of our hurts give us the courage to look within.  We long to both give and receive the care we all need.  As we heal our own hurts, we grow in stature and naturally learn to be a comfort to each other.


Take me back to a time when
sweet parent-talk
harbored hope and
laughter praised life,

when hurts were heard
humming, then lifted liltingly, lovingly
through the air.

Take me back to a place where
fears softened in flight
and slowly seeped
out into winter winds,

where anger melted like
icicles held by
noonday suns and
quickening body heat,

when tears of struggle were
kissed with kindness
and effort turned to strength
sheltered in soothing sounds.


  I live in a universe that will always comfort me in time of need.  I have only to open myself to the healing forces in and around me.

Within my being lies the power to heal all my hurts.  I reach through my inner self, visualizing the understanding and comfort I need to live life well.  I also reach to the world around me, opening myself to the beauty, harmony and love that are comforting to my spirit.

The goodness of life heals my spirit and gives me the strength to be a comfort to myself and to others.


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